Hmmm... thoughts?

WARNING: no pictures in this post!

Part one:
So those of you who know me, know that I've never been a very religious girl. Not because I don't believe in it, but simply because something about it didn't seem to fit just perfectly. I've always struggled with faith. If you've ever talked to me, you know that I think that there are truths in all religions and they all have their crazy parts. That's just what I think.

Part two:
If you know me really well, you know that the thing I'm most afraid of is death (particularly before my kids are grown). And not just like the "I don't want to die" type scared. I cannot seem to wrap my mind around "not existing" as it may be. How can you just not BE? How can you not think, breathe... LIVE?

Where it all comes together:
I'm a Psych major. So of course, everything I think, I evaluate. I've spent many hours pondering religion. And I've spent many hours pondering myself. And I've spent probably even more hours trying to wrap my mind around death and dying. My conclusion? I need religion in order to be at peace with dying. Please correct me if I'm wrong, and give me your opinion. BUT, from my own observations, it seems that those who have a strong religious base tend to believe that dying is not the end of existence. You simply move onto another life, are reincarnated, or whatever. So it makes sense to me that dying to them wouldn't be "the end" that I say is simply non-existence. You've got much to look forward to after death, eh?

So, with this in mind, I've spent a lot of time looking for the religion in my life, to try and help me with my fear of death. No, I don't go to church every Sunday or pray every night. And you may look down on me for that. I may not conform to an organized religion, and there are still some things I need to work through, but I have so much to be thankful for (butterflies, God's creatures, children, wonderful people in my life...) and I have seen the power that prayer has. For me, that's HUGE.

Holly has probably fainted at this point ;)

This world is a marvelous place (even with the evil that sometimes rears its head - the next thing I will ponder) and I can only think that something much larger than us is to credit.

What are your thoughts to my crazy ramblings?